Update Date: 2008/07/14 04:32 Reported by Lin Xingfei in Taipei

"I was holding my one-year-old daughter, pregnant with my second child, and carrying large and small bags of luggage from the UK to Germany when my mother-in-law's car suddenly broke down. I searched the entire family, but no one was willing to lend a hand," said Barbara, a Taiwanese woman married to a senior manager of a German multinational company. Even after many years of marriage, no one at family gatherings is willing to talk to her, all because she is an Asian daughter-in-law.

Barbara met her German husband while studying in Canada, and they fell in love. After completing their studies, they returned to their respective countries, but ultimately could not bear the pain of a long-distance relationship and decided to spend their lives together. Barbara quit her job in Taiwan and crossed the ocean to marry into Germany.

But this was the beginning of her nightmare. Barbara said that although Germans are polite on the surface, their actions are full of "discrimination." Even after many years of marriage, her husband's family is still very unfriendly to her. One cousin-in-law, who didn't even attend university, often gave her a hard time.

Once, when her cousin had just given birth and it had been six months, Barbara took her daughter to visit. Unexpectedly, as soon as the cousin-in-law opened the door and saw it was her, he coldly said, "We have guests," and closed the door.

Although Barbara is excellent in English, her German is still not fluent, which has caused her a lot of hardship. She said that after marriage, because her husband could not understand the difficulties of a woman living in a foreign country, they often argued. Once, just asking her husband the meaning of a German word made him yell, "Can you even live in Germany like this?!"

Just over a year after marriage, she constantly suffered from stomach ulcers, and the doctor diagnosed her with "psychosomatic disorder" due to excessive stress .

After giving birth, Barbara's situation worsened. She said her husband went on a business trip the next day and, upon returning, complained that the newborn was too noisy, so he moved back to his mother's house temporarily.

In the snowy December, he left her alone to take care of the child. She often ate spoiled food, dreaming of Taiwanese pork chop bento boxes, only to wake up to a cold, empty house and a crying daughter.

This life gave her severe depression. Even though she moved back to Taiwan four years ago, she still feels anxious whenever she thinks about returning to Germany for Christmas.

In Germany, there is a "German-Chinese Women's Association" composed of Taiwanese women married to Germans. Barbara said that based on her own experience, she found that the divorce rate among Taiwanese-German marriages is quite high, with eight or nine out of fifty divorcing. A friend who had been married to a German for many years earnestly told her that the only way to save the marriage is to "encourage the husband to work in Asia."

Barbara said her husband was stationed in the UK for a year, and their marital relationship hit a "freezing point" that year. After being transferred from Germany to Taiwan, she "came back to life" as soon as she returned to Taiwan.

Her husband discovered that this little woman who seemed so dependent in Germany was actually very capable, and he began to understand his wife's cultural background and way of thinking.

In recent months, Barbara's German husband is planning to move the whole family to Shanghai. Barbara earnestly said that her experience in Germany is like how some people view Southeast Asian spouses. Perhaps everyone should think carefully, "Is this right?!"

Source: http://tw. news. yahoo. com/ article/ url/ d/ a/ 080714/ 4/ 135p0. html